My brain overreacts a lot.

>Friend/random person: "Oh that's nice! I like it."
>Me: "Thank you. c:"
>Brain: "NO, IT'S CRAP AND EVERYONE KNOWS IT. THEY'RE JUST SAYING THAT SO THEY DON'T HURT MY FEELINGS. I'M TERRIBLE AT THIS. EVERYBODY IS SO MUCH BETTER AT THIS THAN I AM. "

>Random people: *gives me lots of compliments and attention*
>Me:
>Brain: "WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE??? WHY DO YOU LIKE ME??? I'M NOTHING SPECIAL!!! I DON'T DESERVE THIS!! I DUNNO WHAT'S HAPPENING!! "

>Parent/Supervisor/Boss: "We need to talk."/"Can I talk to you for a moment?"
>Me: "Okay."
>Brain: "OH GOD, WHAT DID I DO??? I DID SOMETHING WRONG, DIDN'T I?? OR I DIDN'T DO SOMETHING I WAS SUPPOSED TO DO!! I FORGOT SOMETHING AGAIN!!! I'M SORRY, I'M TRYING MY BEST, PLS DON'T FIRE ME/YELL AT ME!! "

>Me: *makes an effort to do random acts of kindness* c:
>Random person: "I don't like you."/*has me blocked for some reason*
>Me:
>Brain: "DO I OFFEND??? HAVE I WRONGED YOU IN THE PAST??? I DUNNO IF I MET YOU BEFORE!!! PLS TELL ME WHAT I DID WRONG!!! I DON'T UNDERSTAND!! "

...I’m starting to realize why I have low self-esteem and social anxiety. Why my brain seems to scare me into thinking that when someone gives me compliments, they’re actually lying and hate me but don’t say it.
Because even when I’m being nice and trying to make a friendly impression…Only to sometimes find out I have a good reason to feel paranoid/anxious; some people actually do hate me anyway.

I know I can be a snarky, rude bitch sometimes. In my defense, I only get that way when I'm frustrated about something...Or when someone is being an unwarranted asshole in my nearest surroundings.
And sometimes I like to spite people who I feel need a taste of their own medicine.

But 90% of the time, it's unintentional. I won't know that I did something wrong or offended someone until someone tells me they're unhappy with me, but they don't explain why.
Did I offend you before?
Do you just not like me because of my stamps?
I DUNNO WHAT I DID TO MAKE U HATE ME, PLS TELL ME. IF U DON'T, IT'S GONNA BOTHER ME FOREVER.


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