literature

Asexuality 101 with Worldy

Deviation Actions

World-Hero21's avatar
By
Published:
8.4K Views

Literature Text

Have you ever tried listening to the radio in your car where, no matter how many times you try to listen to it or change the station, you get nothing but static or white noise? And your friend in the car with you keeps insisting that there's nothing wrong with it because they can hear it perfectly fine?

It's as if every single station or TV channel is all static for you, but everyone else who's watching the same TV or listening to the same radio is getting perfectly clear reception. But you're not. And no matter what you do, no matter what radio you listen to or what TV you watch, you get nothing but that fuzzy static. Everyone else gets the channel or station crystal clear, but you're the only one who doesn't. It feels like you're on a completely different wavelength than everyone else. Or even worse...It feels like you're the one who's actually broken, instead of the TV/radio.

That's what being asexual feels like.

Why don't I think like the way my friends do? Why don't I see people that way too? I should be interested in one of the genders or even both or even all of the gender-identities. But I don't feel anything about anybody...Why?

These questions kept bugging me all throughout high school, every time I noticed my friends hitting on some guy or saying that some girl is "cute." I thought that maybe I was straight. But I realized that if I was truly straight, I would've been interested in a guy by the time I was in high school. Or even a fictional male. But I wasn't. I never had any crushes on anybody in school, girl or boy. Then I considered, Maybe I haven't found the right person yet? But in that case, I should be at least be interested in at least a gender or two by now...Right?

I'm pretty sure everyone has had those types of friends that found it hilarious as hell to draw pictures of genitals in your notebooks during class and crack all kinds of dirty jokes. I didn't really find those crude drawings funny at all. Every time my friend doodled a tiny male genitalia in the corner of my notebook, I would immediately scrub it out as much as I could out of sheer embarrassment. In college, I once arrived at my dorm to find a doodle of what was clearly a female version on my whiteboard. Once again, I scrubbed it out, this time out of annoyance. Really, I don't get what's so funny about genitals. Almost everyone has either one, so what's the joke?

I'm not terrified of looking at them, but I do admit that I've always been a bit of a prude. It's why I've never liked to draw them myself. Not even during figure-drawing classes. I always put a vague bump there.

In high school, I thought this aversion to them was because I was still a bit weirded out by sex and genitals from when I learned sex ed back in middle-school. So my friends tried to get me into reading yaoi to see if they could help me get over it by starting me off on very mild stuff. It helped a little, but I'm still a bit prudish. And since most of my friends were all into yaoi (even graphic ones) and were fast on picking up on sexual jokes, I felt different than them and I didn't know why. I felt like the oddest one in the group. And I kept trying my hardest to fit in. As a young writer, I tried my hand at lemon-scenes to see if I understood sexuality correctly. All of them were heterosexual, as I was 100000% sure I wasn't gay at the time, and they all turned out to be amateurishly horrible. Especially a particular one that was so explicit, I scared myself while writing it. My ex tried to get me to finish it, but I couldn't. I was so freaked out by how graphic it was becoming, I could barely even look at it.

I remember it was mainly because of sheer embarrassment. I'm so deeply attached to my own characters, I treat them as if they were real people. So trying to write lemon-scenes involving them almost felt like I was some peeping-tom, that I was invading their privacy, and the writing scared me off. And ever since I discovered that I seemed to be asexual, I've even had trouble writing romantic scenes with my characters.

Maybe being a bit prudish this way also has to do with the fact that I'm neutral about sex. I've experienced it before only twice. And during both times, I didn't really feel much of anything. It felt fine, but my body just didn't seem to be into it that much. It just felt like "Meh." Honestly, I've gotten more pleasure out of other things than sex. In fact, animation is better than sex to me. I eat, sleep, crap, and breathe that art form, ever since I was a child. If anyone wants to date me, they must put up with my insatiable appetite for all things animated and good story-telling. And if I'm in the zone, don't bother me. Or else, I will dump you in a heartbeat. Animation comes first, sex/romance comes later. No exceptions. But because I'm neutral on sex, I can live with or without it. I know I still have a sex-drive, as it still gets turned on (mostly out of the blue). But even with one, I'm still asexual because I don't see people in a "sexy" way. At least not all the time.

But as for everything else:

  • I still enjoy reading erotica. To be honest, it's often amusing reading it, but it really depends on how graphic it is. If it gets too graphic, it feels weird.
  • I can still have fantasies, but just with my own characters and not me. It helps relieve stress...And it's just fun to picture it.
  • I'm not sexually active right now in the time that I'm writing this, but I honestly wouldn't mind it. I can take it or leave it.
  • Everything still works down there, believe me. I just don't really use it for its intended purpose.
  • I make platonic/emotional connections with people, especially when they share a lot of my interests, which means I'm not anti-social. I'm just socially awkward. But if I can find an interest that we both share, I can talk people's ears off. Otherwise, I'm quiet and keep to myself IRL.
  • I'm still romantically attracted to intellectual men, especially those with dark hair, and I'm still very interested in dating, as I don't want to be forever alone. So it's not that I'm afraid of love.

I'm not broken. I'm not sexually confused.
I just don't seem to love people in a sexual way and I'm indifferent to sex. Guess what that makes me?

Asexual.


Is that really so hard to understand?

What many people don't seem to realize is that:
1. Our society is obsessed with sex. It's everywhere, particularly in the media. Almost every single relationship portrayed in the media and IRL revolves around sex/romance. Whenever someone sees someone that is very appealing to them, one of the first things they immediately think of is "Wow, I would love to fuck that." Or some other similar phrase. Or whenever someone hears "intimate relationship," their first thought would be to assume that sex is involved in it. So when someone else comes up and says that they're not interested in sex or they're not sexually attracted to anyone, most people immediately jump to all sorts of conclusions:

"That's strange! Everyone is supposed to want sex. There must be something wrong with them."
"Maybe you just haven't found the right one yet."
"You're a virgin?!"
"Maybe you just did it wrong. Or they did it the wrong way."
"Oh, so you're saving yourself for marriage?"
"Don't worry, it's just a phase. You're just late-bloomer, is all."
"Maybe you're really just gay and afraid to admit it."
"You must be hiding some secret."
"Oh, you're just doing it for attention!"
"We're you sexually abused as a child?"
"You should go see a doctor/therapist about that."
"You're just sexually repressed."
"You're just afraid of it."
"How do you know that if you've never tried it?"
"You're selfish!"
"You've got to want to fuck something!"
"You're just afraid to get close to people."
"You're just anti-social."
"So do you just masturbate all day?"
"You can't be asexual if you masturbate!"
"So you're interested in animals?"
"Stop being a special snowflake!"
"There's a pill for that."
"You should try Viagra."
"But don't you want to marry and have kids?!"
"But humans are supposed to be sexual and reproduce!"
"I just want you to be happy!"
"So you're celibate/abstinent?"
"That's what plants are!"
"Humans can't reproduce on their own!"
"Asexual people are just straight people in disguise!"
"Those relationships are abusive!"
"But relationships require sex!"
"Stop stealing terminology away from LGBTs!"
"Asexuals are not oppressed, so you can't be in the LGBT community!"
"You just have undiagnosed autism."
"You must have some sort of mental disorder!"
"You just had a bad relationship, is all."
"You're just trying to be special!"
"You must be a sociopath."
"You don't know what you're missing!"
"You just can't get laid."
"If you had sex with me, I could fix you."
"That's just an excuse because you're ugly."
"Well, that's a shame."
"You're just trying to be better than us!"
"It's just a phase."
"You're just a late bloomer."
"Men can't be asexual!"
"Only old married women are asexual."
"You just never had an orgasm before."
"She just never had an orgasm."
"Don't force your deviance on us!"
"You must be damaged in some way."
"You just don't want the pregnancy or any diseases."
"You can't be asexual if you've had a boyfriend/girlfriend."
"If you have sex, then you can't be asexual!"
"You're just sexually confused."


...Instead of just simply asking to explain what we mean when we say we're asexual.

After you hear these over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again, every time you try to explain what you mean by being asexual...These assumptions get really annoying, really old, really fast. I've heard these so much now, I unfortunately can't help but get snarky with people. (Just like I've gotten pretty snarky with the feminism-debates.) Especially when they jump to these conclusions and have a really nasty attitude about it. I mean, it's okay to be a bit ignorant about it because you don't understand it. But it's not okay to be willfully ignorant about it, refuse to listen to any explanations, and be a bigoted asshole about it. That's what annoys me the most. If you simply and politely ask me for better explanation as to what it is, I would be more than happy to explain it better. But if you have a terrible attitude + jump to conclusions, that's when I get pissed off.

2. There isn't just one type of asexual. Like the other sexualities, there's a broad spectrum of asexuality.

   • There are asexuals who have tried sex and enjoyed it.
   • There are asexuals who have tried sex and didn't enjoy it.
   • There are asexuals who have not tried sex and don't like it.
   • There are asexuals who have tried sex, but who are indifferent about it.
   • There are asexuals who have not tried sex, but who are also indifferent about it.
   • There are asexuals who are not romantically attracted to other people.
   • There are asexuals who are romantically attracted to other people.
   • There are asexuals who sometimes experience sexual attraction.
   • There are asexuals who rarely experience sexual attraction when other factors occur.
   • There are asexuals who have been abused in some way.
   • There are asexuals who don't have a libido/sex-drive.
   • There are asexuals who do have a hyperactive libido/sex-drive.
   • There are asexuals who are neither male nor female.
   • There are asexuals who are trans.*

But you know what makes them asexuals? They don't or they hardly experience sexual attraction, because the main definition of asexuality = a lack of sexual attraction and/or a lack of interest in sex.

That's it. That's as simple as it gets. Some are sex-repulsed, some still enjoy the act of sex, some don't care about it either way, some are virgins, some are not, some are demisexual or gray-asexual, some are homo-romantic or hetero-romantic or pan-romantic or bi-romantic or aromantic or demiromantic or even sapio-romantic...But the main ingredient that makes them asexual is that they either don't have any sexual attraction to anyone, or they rarely have sexual attraction.

And some asexuals want to be included as part of the LGBT+ community because they believe that asexuality is also a queer orientation, as it's not heterosexuality. That's why some use "LGBTPQIA" acronym. And some don't and might believe that it doesn't need to be a part of the LGBT+ movement. But each to their own; I personally believe it should be included.

Let me tell you a little bit about how I discovered I was asexual. Or hetero/sapio-romantic asexual (and maybe demisexual), to be exact.

For the longest time, I thought I was straight, because I figured that was the default. I believed that to be true all the way through high school, until my 3rd year of college, second semester. I had just broken up with my first boyfriend at the time after feeling like we were in a rut for 2 years and I was already losing interest from being apart for 2 years. I had heard a little bit about asexuality from a friend in college, who was openly asexual. But when I did a little self-exploration on how I connect with people and how I felt with people who were deemed "hot" by others, I suddenly realized...I didn't feel anything about them. For example: There was once a post with Tom Hiddleston's Loki and a reaction gif with Amanda Bynes saying "I'd hit that." So I reblogged it saying I wouldn't want to "hit that," but I would love to hug him. A friend responded back asking "What? How could you not want to hit that?" I simply said that I didn't feel that way about him. I just wanted to hug him because he was so adorable, I really liked him as a character. But the idea of being sexually interested in him was weird and gross to me. And the same thing happened to anybody else my friends deemed "hot." They were pretty-looking, but that was about it.

That's where the possibility of being demisexual comes in. But to be honest...I don't really like the term "demisexual." Because the first thing I think of when I hear it is Tumblr. It sounds like a made-up Tumblr term. And I'm pretty sure most of you are familiar with the way Tumblr is. Although, I have heard it from "The Invisible Orientation" book by Julie Sondra Decker and it's made me realize that it is possible. And it seems to describe me, but I prefer to just stick with "asexual" as the general term instead. To be honest, I've never really had a crush before, not even on my ex. But for the past year, I've been crushing heavily on a friend that I've known for about 5-6 years now. It's now gotten to the point where the idea of being sexual with him is actually not a bad idea to me. I think I would enjoy that. But when I first met him, I did not feel that way about him at all. He was just a friend of a friend, who volunteered for a voice-acting project I was planning at the time. But over the years, we continued to chat online, play games together, and voice-chat and then video-chat. I love his voice and his personality...and especially his intelligence. Very mature, funny, good-looking, and a bit devious/trollish and sassy, but he knows the limits. He actually shares a lot of traits that my villain has, whom he voices too. And I adore the crap out of my villain (emotionally, not romantically). So maybe because he's my villain's voice, I guess I started crushing on him too. Then I realized that him and some of my favorite male characters all seemed to have one trait in common; they were all mostly dark-haired and very intelligent/geeky.

And that's where the "hetero/sapio-romantic" part comes in; I seem to be romantically/emotionally attached to males, but strictly dark-haired males who're deep-thinkers. And are especially good with numbers, unlike me. In other words, nerds and scientific/philosophical-thinkers. I'm a "knowledge sponge" who's an avid follower of Logic and Reason, loves to learn new things, enjoys civilized debates, history, cultures, and loves to watch science in action, so it made sense that I would gravitate more to those types of guys. I'm only attracted to them like a knowledge-craving zombie.

But the only thing that makes me asexual?
I'm not immediately sexually attracted to anybody and I'm neutral about sex. If I do become sexually interested in someone, it's only nerdy guys that I've known for a while. But as for complete strangers? Nope.

Asexuality is a broad spectrum. There are many different types of asexuals with all sorts of romantic attractions (or none at all) and preferences to people. The only thing that makes them an asexual is that they're not attracted to people or they're not interested in sex.

And that's it. It's really that simple.

For more information, feel free to visit AVEN or ask me.
Just remember to be polite~
EDIT: Whoever tried to flag this for Mature/Explicit content out of spite because of a call-out journal, please grow a pair. :| Don't try to deny it, because there's no way in hell it's a mere coincidence that I got the notice the exact same time I'm getting called out by the NSFW/fetish community. Grow up and stop acting like toddlers. Compared to what I've seen on here, this is incredibly tame. That, and most 13 year olds have taken a sex ed class anyway and have heard of the word "sex" plenty of times already. But considering asexuality is still unknown and so badly misunderstood, this is an introduction to it and meant to promote educational awareness of it.

I'd rather let the admins decide if it needs the Mature tag. I have no problem with the admins censoring it instead. I'm not tagging it myself because I've been here long enough to know that'll just give you the satisfaction that you've won. :FlipOff: 

If the admins do tag it, then so be it. Unlike you, I follow rules and don't complain if I'm caught overstepping some of them. :|

---
After being inspired by this lovely gentleman's asexual experience piece, I decided to come out with my own experience to try to bring more awareness to this orientation.  Loopy Dance

 Demisexual Pride (F2U) Asexual Pride (f2u)

Nothing more to be said here, except that any questions, comments, praises, complaints, misconceptions, and insults are to be posted below.

Down Arrow By Djidji Thirbaan-d7jjd9k 
I'm happy I found an asexy purple arrow for that...
Comments55
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Natachi-chan's avatar
OMG! Hello to fellow ace! It was amazing post!