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'Allies' support the team, not be on the team.

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I opened up a can of worms on Tumblr about a month ago with this. There seemed to be a mixed reaction, with some LGBT members verbally discrediting "asexual" as part of the LGBTQIA acronym, only for "allies." I plan to make a comic on this at some point, to clarify this better.

"A is for allies, to let closeted LGBT people into the community without outing themselves!"

Not wanting to out themselves is fine, but that doesn't make them allies, nor do most closeted LGBT people want to be seen as "allies." In a way, it's discrediting them because it makes them feel like they're not a real LGBT person for not being publicly open about their identity.

For example: if someone identifies as trans, they're automatically a member of the acronym as the "T." So when they want to officially join a local LGBT group, most are looking to be accepted as trans, not "allies."

But outside of the community, it would be so much easier for them to just pretend to be "allies" to deter suspicion from bigoted friends or family.

The 'A' is for allies" causes problems for asexuals. Regardless of what their romantic identity is, asexual people still consider themselves to be part of the LGBTQIA community, for the sole reason that they're not straight or part of the "hetero-normative."

"But if asexuals are hetero-romantic, then they're still straight and don't belong in the LGBTQIA community!"

By that logic, hetero-romantic bisexuals are still "straight" too and don't belong in the community either.

Romantic attraction & sexual attraction are two separate things. You can be sexually attracted to more than one gender, but maybe you're only romantically attracted to one gender. Most people go by their sexual orientation first, and their romantic orientation is second...Or not even important at all.

"But I identify as biromantic asexual! That's why I'm already part of the community as being bi!"

If you want to label yourself that way, that's fine.

But that doesn't mean everyone else has to label themselves the same way. Most asexuals consider themselves to be asexuals and don't go by their romantic identity, if they have one. (ex: I'm wtfromantic demi/asexual on a personal level, but I just go by "asexual" in general.)

"But asexuals already have their own community! Why should they join ours?!"

Yes, we certainly do and it's great for solving the issues that we're not broken or alone.

But the huge, main problem of not being recognized or accepted by non-aces as legit is still present. That's why most wish to be included in the LGBT+ acronym as asexuals, not allies.

Allies are people who are completely straight, romantically & sexually, but support the LGBT community and their rights. But this doesn't mean they're actually part of the community itself.

You support your local sports team, donate to them or whatever, but you're not actually part of the team itself. You don't get to go out onto the field to play for them. Same thing goes for LGBT-allies.

Another reason why many asexuals want to be included in the acronym is because some actually experience the very same problems as LGBT people do, such as parental rejection and social rejection.

"No, asexuals don't share the same types of problems as LGBT-people do!"

For coming out as asexual, I've been:
  • Shoved back into a closet and told I'm just "stealing" terms away from LGBT-people by my own mother.
  • Told that I'm just confused and/or I'm doing it for attention.
  • Told that I need therapy because it must be connected to some mental illness.
  • Told that I should go see a doctor because there must be something wrong with my hormones.
  • Told by some religious zealot that it doesn't exist because God didn't create it.

Some also experience "corrective rape" by people who think they can "fix" us.

...SOUND FAMILIAR? :stare:

No, we haven't been beaten up or killed for being asexual. But just because it's not psychical abuse, doesn't make it hurt any less.

This is why the "A" should be reserved for asexuals only. Saying it's for "allies" so closeted LGBT people can join invalidates both closeted LGBT people and asexuals as not being legit.

EDIT: I recently discovered that my local LGBTQ+ Pride community does count asexuality as part of the acronym and openly accepts it as legit.

You have absolutely no fucking idea how excited I was when I saw a booth displaying the asexual flag, and found another booth that actually sold our flag. I walked into that Pride festival feeling a little self-conscious about my "asexual pride" shirt. But I went home with a bounce in my step and the asexual flag draped proudly around my shoulders. Hell, I was ready to burst into the house with it and rub it in my acephobic mom's face like "MY IDENTITY IS ACCEPTED AND INCLUDED IN THE LOCAL LGBT+ COMMUNITY, SO YOU CAN'T SAY SHIT ABOUT IT. :stinkeye:"
Unfortunately, nobody was home at the time...So I secretly hung up the stick-flag in my room and waited for them to notice it. (It was up for a day by the time my brother noticed it.)

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