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No, I don't hate myself in the emo way of "IMMA GO CUT MAHSELF 'CUZ I'M SO HORRIBLE!!1!" or have suicidal thoughts.
I don't do that, because I'm frightened by death (I still have so much that I want to fulfill before I die) and I hate pain, so I prefer to avoid it at all costs.

It's more like...the depressive/low self-esteem way, where I want to isolate myself from the world for a very long time, until they forget me. In other words, I feel so horrible that I want to crawl into my bed to hide and never come back out again.
I beat myself up like that sometimes, especially when I do something incredibly stupid and regretful, such as pissing off my friends without meaning to and severely damaging our friendship...which is what I did earlier. And it's going to be a while before they forgive me, and even though they're willing to work it out with me, I still feel so horrible. :icononionfailplz:

I get this same feeling when I'm under a lot of stress during school. It's especially stressful when you're studying a very rigorous and competitive field, like Animation. (Trust me, it's a hell of a lot more stressful when you have several projects going on at once, to where you're practically living out of the studios, trying to finish your finals on time. NOT FUN. :stare:) This past May, I had to stay up until 5 AM for 3 days in a row, trying to finish my finals....At one point, I almost had an emotional breakdown from all the stress and lack of sleep, where I was close to giving up and started beating myself up by thinking badly of myself ("WHY THE FUCK DID I PICK THIS MAJOR?! WHY?! :iconheadsmashplz:")...Until my muses/conscience kicked me in the head with a pep-talk and some motivational energy.

This doesn't happen all the time, though. c: I'm mostly carefree and optimistic. :happybounce: But sometimes this attitude results in doing stupid shit...and if it's stupid enough, I get depressed and ashamed of myself. :icongivingupplz:

And I try to find something to perk myself up again, like something funny that's guaranteed to make me laugh. c: Like laughing at myself. :dummy: [link]
But often-times....The really stupid and horrible shit I've done in the past comes back to haunt me, which is the other problem. :ashamed:

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July 9, 2012
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